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So one thing has been bothering me for a while. It’s a contradiction that has become more and more prevalent in the world. All you really ever hear about anymore is how America is becoming one of the, if not THE most morbidly obese country in the world. Fast food, laziness, and lack of exercise is probably the biggest reason for this trend, but not the only one. I thought that over the past several years that people had started to wake up and see their fat asses were slowly drowning in deep fried breading and sugary drinks. It appears that I was incorrect.

Now, there appears to be a recent trend of the “Fuck it! I’m fat and I’m gonna die that way!” kind of thinking. I got nothing against fat people, seriously. I just don’t understand the people that say, “I can’t lose weight” or “diets don’t work” and then they go and eat the equivalent of the groceries for a small village. This is never more apparent then seeing some of the new fast food and specialty sandwiches that you can get now a days.

The “Double Down” sandwich from KFC. Who needs bread? It reminds me of the episode of The Simpsons where Homer was intentionally trying to get fat. “If you’re ever unsure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain.” This sandwich has now garnered a cult following of sorts. Just do a search on YouTube and see how many results you get. Wanna know the details on this beast of a chicken sandwich? Well here you go.

• Calories – 540
• Calories from fat – 290
• Total Fat – 10gms
• Saturated Fat – 10gms
• Cholesterol – 145mgs
• Oddly enough the ONLY thing on their menu with Trans Fat – 0.5g

The “Grilled Double Down” is only slightly more nutritious for you. If I can even use that word for this thing.

The Double Down isn’t the only disgusting thing that is out there for you to ingest, oh no. Now Friendly’s has introduced their new burger that is bound to give you some sort of cardiovascular or digestive disaster. It’s called the “Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burgermelt” and it gives me chills. It’s literally a burger in between two (count ‘em TWO) grilled cheese sandwiches. I can’t even imagine ordering this this without shame and expecting the entire restaurant to gasp and turn to stare at me, and with good reason.

Here is the run down on this … thing.

• Calories – 1500
• Calories from fat – 870
• Total Fat – 97g
• Saturated Fat – 38g
• Cholesterol – 180mg

My boss actually pointed this one out to me. He said that the only way he would actually order it is if there was a gun to his head. I would be inclined to agree except for the fact that the gun may actually be a more pleasant way to die.

Oddly, we American’s aren’t just going let the fast food business tell us what foods we should and shouldn’t eat to get fat. There is a minor league baseball team, the Gateway Grizzlies, in Illinois that has a concession stand that serves, in my opinion, probably the most disgusting sandwich ever created. It’s a bacon cheese burger that has two Krispy Kreme doughnuts as the bun. These two items served on their own are just fine, combining the two is a crime against nature and all things that culinary experts believe in. I don’t have exact numbers but it too comes in around a hefty 1500 calories per burger.

This is not the only sandwich that they serve though. Now they have moved on to serving a burger made of 1.6 pounds of meat topped with salsa, sour cream, chili and Fritos. It weighs in at a very VERY heft 4800+ calories. It will cost you about $20, as well as about 10 years of your life.

This is of course not even considering the fact that you can go to most “State Fairs” and get anything from deep fried Twinkies, Oreos, Snickers, even deep fried Pepsi(?). These all stand in stark contrast to research and surveys showing that the human population as a whole is living longer. I can’t seem to figure of if it is just skinny people that know how to take care of themselves or they just don’t ask the fat guy shoving the 1/2 pound hot dog in their face and drinking the 32oz “Diet” Coke.